Psychology
How to make someone fall in love with you using a psychological experiment
“Love, love, love, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing” some might say, but we all know that’s not true. There are plenty of reasons to go out and seek the butterflies inducing feeling in spite of the relatively high chance that you might end up disappointed or brokenhearted in the end. Finding love in often a pretty complicated process, but what if it doesn’t have to be? What if you can make someone fall in love with you just by, I don’t know, asking him or her a set seemingly ordinary questions? As unlikely as that may sound, a psychological experiment first conducted more than 20 years ago suggests that it’s not only possible, but actually pretty much guaranteed to work if done correctly.
The said experiment came from the mind of psychologist Arthur Aron and works by using a very basic tried-and-true principle. Before going any further I do have to mention that this method likely does not work for people who believe in love at first sight or over the internet (sorry) given that you will need to sit down and have a lengthy and intimate conversation with the person you’re interested in if you want to replicate the experiment. So, how do you make someone fall in love with you? Just ask a series of 36 questions then stare into each other’s eyes for a few minutes and they should be all yours according to the experiment.
As you might imagine, these are not just any old questions, so let’s elaborate a bit here. The questions are split into three different sets, with each set working on building up intimacy, trust and disclosure as you progress. The first set mostly includes questions that fall into the small talk category, so you will have to get until the end of the “interrogation” if you’re really serious about making someone fall in love with you. By the time you get to the third set of questions, you’ll be stepping into the territory of dark secrets and hidden desires, at which point you’ll know that you’re on the right track. The point behind this inquiry should be pretty obvious by now. People who are very open to each other and willing to leave themselves vulnerable are much more likely fall in love.
You will be able to find the questions at the bottom of this article, but before you try and trick your love interest into becoming a guinea pig for your questionable psychological experiments, there are a few things you should know. After the two of you are done with the questions, doctor Aron suggests that the parties involved must quietly stare into each other’s eyes for a period of about four minutes, although two minutes might also do the trick from what I hear. Also, it would actually be pretty difficult to trick someone into this experiment because both people need to be aware of what’s going on. Specifically, you and your partner need to be asking each other the questions one at a time in the given order and you must also reply to them as honestly as you can. I know, the jig is up and all evil plans fly out the window at this point.
The experiment probably doesn’t work over the internet I’m afraid, but you can still try.
Now, I haven’t tried this myself, but if you head over to The New York Times you’ll find the confessions of many people who apparently did try out the experiment and they swear it worked like a charm. It’s also worth mentioning that according to the experiment, not only will your partner fall in love with you, but you will also fall in love with them, so just keep that in mind. With that out of the way, you’ll find the 36 questions below. Knock your self out and make sure you come back and tell us all about your results in the comments section. But just in case it doesn’t work, don’t worry because real love potions should be making their way to a drugstore near you at some point in the not too distant future.
- Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? - 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? - 14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- 16. What do you value most in a friendship?
- 17. What is your most treasured memory?
- 18. What is your most terrible memory?
- 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- 20. What does friendship mean to you?
- 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “ - 26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
- 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
There are several issues surrounding gamers’ mental health when it comes to excess and other risky aspects. The long asked question of “Can gamers become addicted to video games?” has been answered by the World Health Association (WHO) quite recently.
The WHO is going to be adding Gaming Disorder to its International Classification of Diseases in 2018. According to New Scientist, the WHO will officially recognize obsessive gaming disorders as a mental health condition
I know this might seem like the World Health Organisation just aims to push the “All gamers are meanies” agenda. However, that is far from the case as representatives from the Association have made clear that there is a clear difference between a gaming addict and a gamer.
According to a current draft, the criteria include making gaming a priority “to the extent that gaming takes precedence over other life interests”, and continuing this despite the risk of it being detrimental to your health – such as lack of sleep and sustenance. However, this behavior must be observed for at least a year before diagnosis can be confirmed.
In other words, if you play games like Super Mario Odyssey or Cuphead for a few hours and take breaks to drink water or move around, then you simply don’t have an addiction. However, not even I can deny that there are some sick individuals out there who have gone to awful lengths to satisfy their gaming cravings.
“Health professionals need to recognize that gaming disorder may have serious health consequences,” Vladimir Poznyak at the WHO’s Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse told New Scientist.
Now, there are some bad parts of this problem, namely the fact that people will make a stigma out of this. Subsequently, there’s a fear that people will mistakenly label a common gamer as an addict because they play games for more than 20 minutes. Considering the world we live in loves to pin us with Alt-Right terrorists, this isn’t really an unfounded claim.
Then there’s the problem about how while the WHO has been calling out gamers and their activities. Nobody in the organization wants to admit there is a problem with smartphone users and apps. This is a major concern as well because there are also people who have done outlandish actions for games like Farmville or even the smartphones themselves.
There are multiple factors that play a role into whether or not to call a gamer an addict. So we shouldn’t panic too much about this new measurement taken by the WHO.
Do you find phone notifications annoying? I certainly do, mostly because they get in the way of my song when I’m listening to music. And when you have multiple apps, all you need is a bit of data connection to ruin your day. And now, a study corroborates that smartphone alerts end up worsening the mood of the user.
Researchers at the Nottingham Trent University in the UK studied the effect on mood in 50 participants who received thousands of digital alerts over a five-week period. Out of more than half a million notifications, they found that 32 per cent resulted in negative emotions.
What are the factors that cause such a negative impact? Well, the context behind the alerts is usually related to non-human activity. A few examples are general phone updates and Wi-Fi availability. The research group found out that Work related notifications also affect people’s mood in a negative way. The problem only worsens when these notifications are received in bulk.
“These digital alerts continuously disrupt our activities through instant calls for attention,” researcher at Nottingham Trent University Eiman Kanjo, said to The Telegraph. “While notifications enhance the convenience of our life, we need to better-understand the impact their obsessive use has on our well-being,”
So, how was the procedure done? The research group created an app called NotiMind. Which the volunteer participants downloaded shortly after. The app collected details relating to the phones digital notifications, as well as participants self-reported moods at various points in the day over a five-week period.
Not everything is doom and gloom though, as there was some positive results when it came to notifications from friends. Especially when the participants received various messages at once. The reason for this is because these notifications created a sense of belonging and feelings of connection to a social group.
So, that’s what the report says. People usually get annoyed by the fact that notifications interrupt the important occasions in life. Often, I hate to be reminded that I didn’t turn my Wi-Fi off and get a notification saying that there’s a network nearby. But hey, maybe someday we can filter out these alerts so that we can focus on the important things.
Pokemon Go was a surprise hit. It was a Pokemon game so it was expected that it would get some hype, but not to the point of becoming a global phenomenon. People that would never consider themselves gamers were downloading the app and hunting for pokemon to add to their collection in the most wildly successful augmented reality game ever. Recent research shows that there might be a reason people keep logging in and chasing after the next catch: Pokemon Go apparently makes people happier, and happier people are more likely to play Pokemon Go.
A team at the University of Wisconsin-Madison surveyed a group of 399 adults last summer and came to the conclusion that playing the game “was associated with various positive responses (increased positive affect, nostalgic reverie, friendship formation, friendship intensification, and walking), most of which predicted enhanced well-being”
Participants were asked various questions, an overview of which we’ve listed below:
“Questions [were asked] about [subjects’] emotional and social lives and levels of physical activity before segueing into Pokemon. More than 40 percent of their respondents turned out to be Pokemon Go players, and those people were more likely to be exercising — walking briskly, at least — and more likely to be experiencing positive emotions and nostalgia. […] They were also more social. Players were more likely than non-players to be making new friends and deepening old friendships”
So it seems like your Pokemon Go obsession may actually be a good thing. Getting outside, exercising lightly, forming new friendship and spending more time with existing friends may allow for your Pokemon to make a happier you.
The player base of Pokemon Go has dropped drastically since the research on the game was conducted, but the developer seems committed to supporting the game and adding new features with hopes to recapture some of that hype. The most recent update is an Easter themed event which adds Pokemon in findable eggs.
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